Log in

No account? Create an account
Childfree Feminists' Journal
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in Childfree Feminists' LiveJournal:

Thursday, March 9th, 2006
1:16 pm
Intro post and short rage/lament on the status of chilfree feminists
Just wanted to introduce myself. I found this community through donnaidh_sidhe and I'm excited to get into some rousing conversations on how feminism and chilfree issues intersect. I'm 23, got a tubal by a great doc in Seattle in September of 2005, and am an outspoken feminist and advocate for chilfree rights. I run The Official Shrub.com Blog, where I and my contributors post on feminism and various intersections.

I'm actually the friend that donnaidh_sidhe was talking about in this post. I am rather sad about leaving the community (my decision after 3 weeks of silence), but I'd like to share my experiences because I think they relate to a greater divide in the feminist community between parents and chilfree people.

My experience behind the cut...Collapse )

Update: Well, I got a reply. E-mail and ranting behind the cut.Collapse )

x-posted (more or less): tekanji
Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
5:11 pm
I'm here because I've recently become quite disappointed in another feminist community that I was beginning to rather like. Basically, a CF friend of mine got jumped on by a mother because my friend protested that the way the mods kickbanned a CFer who said why she was CF was way too harsh, even though the CFer definitely put her foot in it. The mods did not reprove the person who jumped on my friend, even though said person resorted to looking over my friend's userinfo and used that info for an ad hominem attack.

When I asked about whether the person who attacked my friend was going to be reprimanded, the banning mod told me that the person who attacked my friend was right in her comment (she said my friend, because of being childfree, was not equipped to judge what is offensive about a statement). When I asked about what the other mods thought, I got no reply. My friend says that there has also been no reply to the e-mail she sent the mods.

I find myself at a loss, here. Before that drama, I was feeling pretty okay in that community. After this correspondence, I find myself believing that it is only okay to be a childfree feminist if you know your place. That means don't talk about being childfree unless you absolutely have to; don't show you are proud about being childfree because then you are saying that being a parent is something bad and it'll get your ass handed to you; to don't ever even think of saying that being childfree is better for you than being a parent, because a parent may take offence that you are denigrating their family status; don't speak about social or institutional discrimination against childfree women unless you are absolutely sure to show the ways how mothers are discriminated against, as well.

All of the above, I never really thought about until this past week. Now I know to shut my metaphorical mouth about being childfree unless I'm in a space that is actually safe for me, not one that merely purports to be.
Thursday, August 18th, 2005
9:55 pm
What's With This?
I'm not sure of the etiquette here as regards to speaking about other communities, so if this post isn't kosher, please tell me.

I'm glad to be here. I had also applied to join another feminist community, far larger than this one. (This community fits my personal outlook better, but I like a variety of viewpoints.) The requirements there, as far as I could tell, were similar to here. One of the specific criteria mentioned is length of journal account. I assumed this meant I would have to be around long enough to be evaluated, so I kept applying--even after a couple of turndowns--with the thought that, given enough time, I would be accepted.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. The third or fourth time I applied, I went to click on the link and received the following response (not word for word, but close enough):

"You have been banned from joining this community."

This floored me. After thinking about it, I started wondering if there wasn't another, less flattering reason for my dismissal (other than the fact that they might not have been letting anyone join, but if that was the case, they should have said so). I've posted a couple of times on Faith Feminists. These posts are in my journal for anyone to see.

Therefore, I'm wondering if the moderators saw those posts and wouldn't let me join because my views didn't agree with their ideology.

I may be off base on this. Perhaps I'm too full of myself, and am reading things that aren't there. Nevertheless, when reading the aforementioned community (it's still on my f-list), I received--and still have--the impression that they need some fresh blood. I think you can respectfully disagree with some feminist ideas and continue to call yourself a feminist (for example, I personally would never have an abortion, but I would never tell anyone else they couldn't). At any rate, it seems rude, to say the least, to cut me off with no explanation and no chance to defend myself.
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
6:21 pm
childfree environment
I've said before, somewhere here, that I would like childfree places like swimmingpools. But how can I, as an individual, choose childfree venues?

I've heard of this conference that I would like to attend, but it seems that people will be bringing their screaming babies there. Can I suggest that the conference will be moved to a location where it will be hard for baby/toddler parents to travel? Or shall I demand that they leave the kid at home? How popular will I be?
Monday, August 8th, 2005
7:12 pm
We interrupt this program...
I hope nobody minds if I say HELLO! And also, I'm unsure if I'm the only male here... but I hope that even if I am, I don't remain so!

I do think that today's world has become entirely too male-centric. AGAIN.

I had thought we were emerging from that...

Anyway, one big reason I don't want to have children is... well, frankly, look at the world they'd grow up in! No matter how much I would want to influence them one way, society will have it's way with them eventually.

So.. no thanks.
Friday, August 5th, 2005
10:50 am
I made me another mod!
Princess is now also a mod. Just because I can. Consider it an executive decision.
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
11:29 am
We have new members!
Hello new members! I am sorry that it took so long to approve you! I am the slacker mod! Woot!
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
2:22 pm
What would a feminist, CF-friendly world look like?
Or, in other words, if you could remake the world, what would you do?
I'll post my ideas later, when I'm not so damn sleepy.
Monday, July 11th, 2005
11:56 pm
My cousin is a stay at home mom. SAHMs are few and far between where I live, since every child goes to kindergarten (for a small fee) from 2 years old. But my cousin has chosen to stay at home. Her husband is making lots of money - which is necessary if you are going to live on one salary. Until now, the only SAHMs I've known of have not gone out to work again after childbirth because they are uneducated or have such personal problems that they can't cope with working. Everyone else wants to work. So, why does my intelligent cousin want to stay at home? Yeah, I know that she wants to 'be there for her children' - but why doesn't her husband take that role? Why her? And why does she, who has a husband that is educated in USA and they are both right wing in politics, want to do it 'the American way'? To explain: for me stay at home mom's today are something that is only done in USA.

I do not like the idea of women staying at home. My mother never worked again after having children. There is only two of us and I'm 40. It's been a while since I left home! But she is still at home, cleaning the house. I do not have an ounce of respect for her, never have. I remember wishing that she would get an education, get a job, do something that would make me able to look up to her. But she just cleaned and watched TV and did some cross-stitching. What kind of a role model is that?

What do you think of stay at home moms?
Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
3:32 pm
Who Gets to Hate What
I've been thinking of posts at 'the other place'. People there are happily sharing that they hate cats. I thought that cat-owners and -lovers would jump in and a flame war would start up, but no such thing. I am a cat-owner (and therefore a cat-lover) and that theses posts rub me the wrong way, but what bugged me even more is that no way could I start posting there about how I hate kids and everyone would happily join in and joke about that particular hate.

So, insulting and hurting cat-lovers (or dog or whatever else comes to mind) is ok, because? And keeping your trap shut about kids is necessary because? I just don't get it. Is it because most women expect to become mothers or because all of us were kids at some point? Why is it so much more hateful to say bad things about kids? And saying bad things about mothers? That could get you killed! (maybe because everyone has had a mother? what about those of us that don't love our mothers?)

rant rant rant

Current Mood: annoyed
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
1:17 am
Hello Hello
Well, let's see, I promised a short bio or something early, so I'll do that then add on a piece that I think everyone here can appreciate.

I'm 19 and originally from the Boston area. I'm currently residing in Ohio working on a bachelor's in zoology. I'm a writer, I write poetry and fiction, occasionally a rant or a ramble based around events in my life. I have been adamant about not having children for about 5 years now mainly because I don't feel that I am mother material. I look forward to hearing from everyone!


Don't think you can tread on me-
Deflate my hopes, or shoot down my dreams-
I may be all female-
Down to the core of the being in this shell-
But I am stronger than I look-
In ways you could never hope to know-
So this shell comes with protruding mammary glands-
And I can carry life to sponsor another generation-
Does that make me so different from you?
Are my hopes less valid-
And my aspirations not worth fighting for-
I'm not playing the role of damsel in distress-
I won't sit down and watch you run the world-
I won't let you carry my things-
Don't think I need you to buy my lunch-
My bank account is functioning just fine-
I'm independent and unruly-
I'm capable of living without you-
So, now I know what you're thinking-
There's no woman without the man, right?
Let me get this through to you-
Without woman, there wouldn't be another man.


Current Mood: content
Friday, June 24th, 2005
3:51 pm
3:38 pm
We have a new member!
Welcome to member #3!
Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
8:18 am
The ChildFree Decision
There is probably more than one reason that I don't want to have children. Number one has to be that I simply never wanted to. I don't remember talking about 'when I'll be all grown up and have my own children' or having any kinds of daydreams/plans that included having kids. Just never entered my mind, it seems.

Then there is the message I got from my parents: that children are in the way, inconvenient, loud and boring. I think this may be the only message that I took to heart and sometimes I think that I should do some therapy on that which might lead to me changing my mind. (But I don't really want to change my mind! So there!)

Getting that message from my parents means that I was made to feel in the way and boring. Especially boring. And a nuisance. I wouldn't want to inflict that kind of pain on a child.

I do think I would be a lousy mother. Hurting the child in numerous ways (see above) - and probably physically as well. Like my parents did to me. Again: don't want to subject a child to that.

I really dislike some children. The loud ones in particular, the smelly ones too. (Why do they always have to touch everything with their dirty fingers?) I used to actively hate most children but since I've gotten to know a number of them I can say that some children I like, maybe even most children when they behave.

I've never liked babies. They are kind of non-persons to me. They can't talk and hardly interact with people at all. I like people to talk and be sensible. Babies are not.

Current Mood: mellow
Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
4:53 am
inconsiderate mothers
I'm not saying that all mothers are inconsiderate all the time, but some are and some are some of the time. (Why the disclaimer? Am I still afraid of being attacked?)

Anyhow, I was visiting my cousin today and she said it was time to change her 6month old diapers and said to me that I should come with her to do that. I reclined smilingly and said that I would just wait in the kitchen. "NO! Keep me company!" So, I trotted along and had to witness the (thankfully not smelling) diaper change.

Some months ago I was with a friend at a café and she had brought her baby with her. I had managed to be nice about it but when my friend changed her baby's diaper right there at the table I was shocked.

Why do they think that we want to witness the diaper change? Do they think it will be good for our appetite? Are they so eager to show their daughter's crotches?

These to women know that I am childless by choice - the cousin helped me when I had an abortion and knows everything there is to know about my decision.

What is the matter with them?

Are there rolleyed smilies around here somewhere?
About LiveJournal.com