d_s (donnaidh_sidhe) wrote in cf_feminist,

I'm here because I've recently become quite disappointed in another feminist community that I was beginning to rather like. Basically, a CF friend of mine got jumped on by a mother because my friend protested that the way the mods kickbanned a CFer who said why she was CF was way too harsh, even though the CFer definitely put her foot in it. The mods did not reprove the person who jumped on my friend, even though said person resorted to looking over my friend's userinfo and used that info for an ad hominem attack.

When I asked about whether the person who attacked my friend was going to be reprimanded, the banning mod told me that the person who attacked my friend was right in her comment (she said my friend, because of being childfree, was not equipped to judge what is offensive about a statement). When I asked about what the other mods thought, I got no reply. My friend says that there has also been no reply to the e-mail she sent the mods.

I find myself at a loss, here. Before that drama, I was feeling pretty okay in that community. After this correspondence, I find myself believing that it is only okay to be a childfree feminist if you know your place. That means don't talk about being childfree unless you absolutely have to; don't show you are proud about being childfree because then you are saying that being a parent is something bad and it'll get your ass handed to you; to don't ever even think of saying that being childfree is better for you than being a parent, because a parent may take offence that you are denigrating their family status; don't speak about social or institutional discrimination against childfree women unless you are absolutely sure to show the ways how mothers are discriminated against, as well.

All of the above, I never really thought about until this past week. Now I know to shut my metaphorical mouth about being childfree unless I'm in a space that is actually safe for me, not one that merely purports to be.

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